Listserv

It starts with just one email. Dr. Daniels wants everyone to know that he’ll be holding a workshop on the topic of the job market later this month and graduate students in the department are encouraged to attend and to bring their cv’s.

But Krystal can’t attend. She has a dentist appointment. She wants to know if there is going to be another one later. Naturally, she hits “Reply,” instead of emailing Dr. Daniels directly, so she sends this to the whole listserv.

Claudia hates this, but it happens every semester, so she lets it go.

Jeff can make it, but he wants to know if he can leave early to get to work. He makes the same mistake as Krystal and soon everyone has Jeff’s work schedule in their inbox.

Claudia is annoyed, but once again, decides to just let it go, as she deletes the email with force.

Audrey doesn’t know if she wants to go or not, though. She needs more information. She replies on the listserv, asking what exactly the workshop will cover.

At this point, Claudia can’t take anymore. All she can think about are the repeated emails. She is raging. She writes a long email to the listserv explaining that people should stop responding to the whole listserv. She uses all the exclamation points in her closet. Every word is emphatic, Stop!!! Sending!!! Everything!!! To!!! The!!! Listserv!!!!!!!!!!

Then there is silence…

Until Michael responds to Claudia on the listserv that she is doing exactly what she is complaining about. Adam responds to the listserv that Michael is making it worse by also doing it. Melissa yells at Adam through the listserv about using the listserv. Vanessa writes, YOU ARE ALL DOING IT! London writes, YOU TOO!!! Teresa writes, Just stop already!

Claudia is having a meltdown now. She is almost manic. She bangs on her keyboard and her “N” sticks. Having used up all her exclamation points, she forgoes punctuation altogether, THIS IS A SIMPLE CONNNNCEPT PEOPLE STOP REPLYINNNNG TO THE WHOLE LISTSERV IT IS FILLINNNNG OUR INNNNBOXES ANNND IT IS ANNNNNNOYING STOP DOINNNG IT STOP

You just did it again! Teresa fires over the listserv.

Finally, Dr. Daniels returns from getting a Pepsi and has 54 new emails from the listserv. Happy Monday Dr. Daniels.

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