Thank you for your resume and interview but you do not
meet our needs. We do not want candidates
who have brown hair or talk about Game of Thrones.
You should buy our journal of applicant standards
to see if you fit the standards.
I really appreciate getting a chance to consider
going to lunch with you, and while there truly are
some great reasons here, I’m afraid I can’t find a
spot for it on my list and I’ll have to take a pass.
I do think that Rachel at Tomas Publishers might like
lunch and actually I know someone new at Talley
Literary Agency that would probably be willing to
go with you too. Let me know if you need some help.
(Oh, and if any of them go, could you buy a
journal for me?)
Thank you for being my girlfriend
for the last three months
while I’ve been out of work
and living with you.
But today I got a job.
While our sex contains a good amount
of conflict and chemistry,
and I rather like your mother,
I’m afraid I don’t feel strongly enough
about the relationship to consider
I do hope you find someone else
in your bed soon.
Best of luck!
P.S. Can I have your journal?
Your paper fails. I cannot comment on individual
papers. Best of luck and please buy my journal.
I can’t marry you, but you should keep
asking me. Also, there’s a lovely journal
you should get.
Dear Bar Patron
Thank you for thinking of me.
Though I won’t be having sex with you
at this time, I hope that you will continue
trying to have sex (with others) in the future and are
Just Wants to Drink
P.S. Please buy our journal.