If All Rejections Were Like Journal Rejections




Thank you for your resume and interview but you do not

meet our needs. We do not want candidates

who have brown hair or talk about Game of Thrones.

You should buy our journal of applicant standards

to see if you fit the standards.


The Corporation



Dear Celia,


I really appreciate getting a chance to consider

going to lunch with you, and while there truly are

some great reasons here, I’m afraid I can’t find a

spot for it on my list and I’ll have to take a pass.

I do think that Rachel at Tomas Publishers might like

lunch and actually I know someone new at Talley

Literary Agency that would probably be willing to

go with you too. Let me know if you need some help.




Your Friend


(Oh, and if any of them go, could you buy a

journal for me?)



Hello Sara:


Thank you for being my girlfriend

for the last three months

while I’ve been out of work

and living with you.


But today I got a job.


While our sex contains a good amount

of conflict and chemistry,

and I rather like your mother,

I’m afraid I don’t feel strongly enough

about the relationship to consider

continuing it.


I do hope you find someone else

in your bed soon.


Best of luck!




P.S. Can I have your journal?



Dear Student,


Your paper fails. I cannot comment on individual

papers. Best of luck and please buy my journal.


Professor Slater



I can’t marry you, but you should keep

asking me. Also, there’s a lovely journal

you should get.



Dear Bar Patron


Thank you for thinking of me.

Though I won’t be having sex with you

at this time, I hope that you will continue

trying to have sex (with others) in the future and are



Just Wants to Drink


P.S. Please buy our journal.


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