If All Rejections Were Like Journal Rejections

1.

Applicant:

 

Thank you for your resume and interview but you do not

meet our needs. We do not want candidates

who have brown hair or talk about Game of Thrones.

You should buy our journal of applicant standards

to see if you fit the standards.

 

The Corporation

 

2.

Dear Celia,

 

I really appreciate getting a chance to consider

going to lunch with you, and while there truly are

some great reasons here, I’m afraid I can’t find a

spot for it on my list and I’ll have to take a pass.

I do think that Rachel at Tomas Publishers might like

lunch and actually I know someone new at Talley

Literary Agency that would probably be willing to

go with you too. Let me know if you need some help.

 

Sincerely,

 

Your Friend

 

(Oh, and if any of them go, could you buy a

journal for me?)

 

3.

Hello Sara:

 

Thank you for being my girlfriend

for the last three months

while I’ve been out of work

and living with you.

 

But today I got a job.

 

While our sex contains a good amount

of conflict and chemistry,

and I rather like your mother,

I’m afraid I don’t feel strongly enough

about the relationship to consider

continuing it.

 

I do hope you find someone else

in your bed soon.

 

Best of luck!

 

Ashlee

 

P.S. Can I have your journal?

 

4.

Dear Student,

 

Your paper fails. I cannot comment on individual

papers. Best of luck and please buy my journal.

 

Professor Slater

 

5.

I can’t marry you, but you should keep

asking me. Also, there’s a lovely journal

you should get.

 

6.

Dear Bar Patron

 

Thank you for thinking of me.

Though I won’t be having sex with you

at this time, I hope that you will continue

trying to have sex (with others) in the future and are

successful.

 

Just Wants to Drink

 

P.S. Please buy our journal.

Advertisements

One thought on “If All Rejections Were Like Journal Rejections

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s