Very-Important-Journal Submission Policy
What we want:
Don’t send us shit. Only send good stuff. We reject almost everything. When we reject you, please buy our journal! We only take the very best so please buy an issue for reference on what the very best is. It is not what you sent.
We are only accepting poems about lakes. But we hate littoral imagery. We are family oriented. That means you can’t write shit or piss or stuff like that. Or it means we are about family issues (including shit and piss and stuff like that). We only publish poems about Elk. We like to explore the connection between April showers and elk flowers. We don’t like cliches. We don’t like inspirational. We don’t like erotica. We don’t like emo. Nobody likes emo – even the emos who publish emos. Goth is sometimes ok, but gore is not. No gory poems about shit or piss. Emo elk poems are ok as long as they aren’t set on the gothic shore.
We will not accept submissions through email, fax, phone, prison, postal mail, or pigeon. We read Oct. 21 – Oct. 30. Takes up to a year to respond. No simultaneous submissions. Acquires last rights. Pays half a contributor’s copy (you have to share with a partner).